• OK I’ll Tell You The Dirty Joke

    a photo of Mumsey's head

    My Mumsey was a strange mix – very proper, a bit of a snob, smart, extremely liberal, outrageous, funny, annoying, kind, silly, generous, and great at telling dirty jokes that often made her laugh so hard, she peed in her pants. Everyone in our family and many of her friends knew we had successfully told a funny story if it made her pee, which we all LOVED to do, and luckily she loved laughing more than she minded peeing.

    I have trouble remembering jokes, and I am not good at telling them, but I clearly remember the first dirty joke the Mumsey ever told me. I was a teenager at the time. You have to imagine the Mumsey speaking with a German/British accent, and trying hard not to laugh before the punch line. German was her first language. She learned English in Great Brittan.    

    OK, I’ll tell you the joke even though you have probably heard a million versions of it already. Here it is - A doctor came out of the room where he had just examined a patient and closed the door behind him. Snickering, he whispered to his nurse, “You gotta go in there and check out that guy’s penis. It says tiny on it!”

    The nurse went into the room and was gone for a while. As she opened the door, she smoothed her blouse and straightened her skirt, and closed the door behind her. “Did you see it?” the doctor asked, “Yup I did, and it didn’t say tiny. It said, Fort Ticonderoga New York!”

The Whore Next Door is a memoir consisting of 106 short chapters – each accompanied by an original watercolor painting. It is slightly shocking, but not pornographic.